Ombudsman resigns after Nazareno appears in dream

Posted on January 10, 2011


In what many consider as a proof that God exists, Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez called for a press conference Monday morning at the Quiapo Church grounds to announce her irrevocable resignation.

“The night of the feast of the Nazareno, I had a life-changing dream,” said Gutierrez.

“I dreamt that the Black Nazarene told me to not to trust PGMA. Then I woke up into another dream where the Black Nazarene, on a hospital bed, instructed me to open a safe with a message for me.”

“But it went dark and the scene shifted to another dream where I was being pushed around by the multitude of devotees in the Nazareno procession. For some reason, the pushing was leading me to the caroza. And Gloria, disguised as Nora Aunor was shouting, ‘Walang himala!'”

“All of a sudden, I found myself in another dream, where Leonardo di Caprio, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Ken Watanabe, Tom Hardy, and that girl from Juno helped me brave an attacking army protecting a fortress in snow.”

“Actually, I died in that dream, but Leo revived me with a kiss. After regaining my senses, I finally opened the safe and found a photo. It was a photo of my grandchildren.”

“I realized I do not want them to grow up in a society that I decay by remaining Ombudsman”

Gutierrez said that she was open to being investigated for administrative charges and open to cooperate with investigations regarding anomalies within the Office of the Ombudsman.

Among the controversies that mushroomed during the term of Gutierrez were the dismissal of cases against PGMA, the Rolando Mendoza case which led to the hostage taking of Chinese tourists, an embarrassingly low success rate of cases filed by the Office of the Ombudsman, and the recent plea bargain with Gen. Garcia.

Posted in: politics